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Some thoughts on pirates vs. bunnies

Posted by on July 1, 2003

From an email to Brian Danny last year:

No lady loves the pirate. Reason is, the pirate will carry her off over his shoulder. A shoulder in the abdomen tends to disturb a lady’s breakfast. Then later, seasickness. And then painful deflowering. No lady likes painful deflowering, no lady whatsoever; also disturbing to her breakfast. A lady likes her breakfast to settle before a painful deflowering and a speedy cannon-infested chase over high seas. But this she is never permitted.

So I am voting for the bunny. A bunny is small and soft and unlikely to disturb a breakfast in any way. Bunnies are better than pirates; there’s no two ways about it. A lady today does not want a virile figure of manhood; no. She wants a boyfriend she can carry in her handbag and refuse to feed when he is acting up. She wants someone who can sleep on the pillow without covering it in bloody grime and beard hair and doubloons. Nobody likes a doubloon pillow. A lady wants someone who she can kill and eat if necessary.

bunnyisbetter.jpg

6 Responses to Some thoughts on pirates vs. bunnies

  1. holohan

    oh sure. you let a bunny into your heart and it’s all fluffy fur and twitchy noses and little hops for a few weeks. and the next thing you know the whole house smells like bunny, there are droppings in your breakfast cereals, and every cord in sight has been chewed through.

    at least with pirates everythings on the table from the start.

  2. erica

    after reading sean’s “sucky” post, i am utterly delighted to read about bunny boyfriends one can kill and eat. brava, didofoot!

  3. michele

    that nickname stuck almost as long as dickbag jr.

    but to quote anya from the buffy musical sdtrk, “bunnies aren’t just hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. bunnies! bunnies! it must be bunnnnies!” behind every evil doing in history lies a bunny is the moral of this story.

  4. Cody

    michele is right again. bunnies are the secret force (or source!?) of evil in our world. Never forget Bunnicula, who sucked so hard that celery stalks were always turning white around midnight. And those damn red eyes! How could it remain secret for so long?

  5. Cody

    michele is right again. bunnies are the secret force (or source!?) of evil in our world. Never forget Bunnicula, who sucked so hard that celery stalks were always turning white around midnight. And those damn red eyes! How could it remain secret for so long?

  6. tracy

    If the pirate is Johnny Depp, then the pirate will ALWAYS win. Always. (slobber, slurp)

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