I woke up in a great mood this morning. Then I got to work, sat down at my desk, and immediately went to pieces. Went and cried in the stairwell for a while. Washed my face, came back to my desk, immediately went to pieces again. Left again, dripped and sniffled in Nefeli for half an hour. Bolstered by a coffee, I have returned for the third time.
All day, I sit in a corner facing a windowless wall. The carpet is brown and the walls are beige. There’s no air conditioning and no air flow and no privacy. My job is to fill out various forms and submit them to various people. If I make a mistake on any of these forms, the entire packet is canceled and returned to me, and I fill out a new packet with the correction. I file copies of these forms in a binder and a folder, and keep three separate records of them online. When I need a break from these forms, I can turn to my office mates for vicious gossip about other Berkeley employees. When I run out of forms to fill out or correct, I check the same three websites obsessively until it’s time to leave.
I simply cannot imagine why I can’t stop crying.