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Listen to this one, it’s by the guys who sang “Lowrider.”

Posted by on February 5, 2003

This morning my boss, who sits next to me, said “Okay, Ms. Larson, I want to read you this.” Then he read me the lyrics to another of his New Country songs. He reads them in a monotone, with a twangy accent which he doesn’t posess in normal speech. The interesting thing is that even though he’s just speaking, he still pauses and holds the vowel sounds as one would if one were singing.

He’s done this before. He’s trying to convert me to New Country. After every song I nod and enthusiastically say “Yeah, that one WAS good. I guess you’re right about New Country.” Unfortunately, it’s taking a while for him to process this, so he goes on presenting me with examples. All because I was foolish enough to express a real opinion. That is the LAST time I am genuine at work, I can tell you.

After the reading, he called a staff meeting, by saying “Maria, come here, we’re having a staff meeting.” Maria also works next to us. She rolled her chair over and we both faced him attentively and he pulled out a book of Chinese stories from the B.C. and read us one about a man who meets a sixteen year old girl and brings her home but she turns out to be a devil and rips out his heart but luckily his wife has him revived by giving a blowjob to a homeless maniac who magically causes her to vomit up a new heart for her husband. It was a pretty good story. When it was finished, he pulled out the original book and read us the same story in Chinese. There is nothing more surreal than hearing Mandarin coming out of this big white cowboy in a Southwestern shirt and boots.

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