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I am a singing telegram. (BANG!)

Posted by on January 25, 2003

Sorry for the tantrum. (Or am I lying?) Upon further reflection I’ve decided it’s better not to lie about important stuff like having found the cure for cancer or Allen coming home, since it gets people’s hopes up and that’s no good. I need you people to remain hopeless, so that you can be coerced into doing my bidding when the revolution comes.

I’ve been thinking about this gun control issue. It occurs to me that the only cop I know is racist and kind of annoying, and I’m not too keen on him carrying a gun. Neither am I happy about a lot of strangers running around in police and military uniforms with guns that they’re allowed to use on me. I mean, sure, I’m on no one’s shitlist now, but I’ve seen “Enemy of the State” and I know how fast all that could change. And when the revolution comes…Anyway, I recognize that they go through training and all to prevent them from shooting their own toes off or accidentally nailing an infant in the line of fire, but I still don’t like it. So maybe I should be allowed to have a gun. Maybe we should all have them. I mean in an ideal world, no, there would be no guns anywhere and the cops would just carry big sticks (coughEnglandcough) but in this world I don’t think things are going to go that way. I’m all in favor of mandatory training courses for gun owners though Sort of like driver’s licenses.

How come when four drunk teenagers take daddy’s convertible out for a drive and kill four other teenagers, no one forms a coalition demanding that cars be taken away from all civilians? (And, but if they did, would it be such a bad thing?)

The sum total of my education about this issue comes from having watched “Bowling for Columbine.” I’m sure all this has been said (more betterly) before. But up until now I’d just been assuming guns are bad for children and other living things because that is the way of my people. Call this my rebellious stage.

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