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That’s why the lady is a…

Posted by on October 21, 2002

Yesterday my mom and grandfather came by to drop off some stuff at my apartment and we made my grandfather wait with the illegally-parked car while we hauled things back and forth. When we finished, we came out to find him ogling a young blond Marilyn-type in a tight red dress and spike heels stalking down the street. “Holy criminy,” he said, because he talks like that, “would you take a look at her.”

“Him, Dad,” my mom said.

“What?” he said, entirely engrossed by the nine-foot legs.

“That’s not a woman,” she said.

“Well what is it, then, a rhinoceros?” he said, because he still talks like that.

“It’s a man, Dad,” she said patiently.

“No,” he said. “Her? In the red?”

“Yes, Dad. Why would a woman be dressed like that on a Sunday afternoon just to walk down the street?” Astonishingly, the counter argument to this (why would a man be dressed like that) did not seem to occur to him.

There was a moment of silence,

And then a lot more silence.

“What?” he said finally. And then, “Slow down when you pass her. I’d like to see her from the front.”

I would have thought he’d be more disturbed, given that he is an 80 year old man who is in many ways prejudiced like other people are breathing. But I guess when you’re 80, a fine ass is a fine ass no matter what it comes equipped with.

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