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Oh they’re taking him to prison for the color of his hair

Posted by on September 5, 2002

The good news is, I’ll be updating this a lot more frequently than I have been lately.

The bad news is, I got evicted and am moving back to PHill for the nonce.

Here is how the story goes, and feel free to interrupt with piteous noises at any time: Four days ago, I moved in. This morning, I left a cheerful card thanking my landlady for the bottle of wine she left me, and casually mentioning that I would be setting off a bug bomb on the following morning to kill the spiders all over the place. I said this would not affect her, but wanted to let her know. I went off to school with a merry heart.

Later, arriving home after classes and a brief traipse about my shiny new neighborhood, there was a knocking without. When I opened the door, there stood my landlady in a choler. Immediately she demanded to see these fictious spiders I had been inventing to fill my lonely hours. Well, I began to show her of course, but her dander was clearly up and she grew more and more angry, yelling (yelling, seriously) “Show me the spiders, then! Show me!”

“I AM showing you, look here.”

“Twenty-five years I’ve had tenants and not one has ever mentioned spiders to me,” she hollered, forcing me to what in retrospect was probably an unwise remark, regarding What The Neighbors Have Been Saying about the short duration of stay for these tenants. Well, that pushed her over the edge. She turned an attractive purple shade not unlike her eye makeup, called me a busybody several times, sputtered and stormed out.

Fifteen minutes later there was another knocking without. I opened the door and she handed me my original check for first, last and deposit and asked me to be gone within a week. Then harranged me for another ten minutes re: my busybodying nature and slammed out in high dugeon, if that’s how I spell that.

Well, the place was a shithole really, so I guess it’s no loss. I just feel like such a maroon. I really wanted to embark on a new career of non-flakiness, but moving twice in a week is surpassing even my previous acts of irresponsibility.

Speaking of which, if you have a strong back and no plans on Sunday, y’all feel free to e-mail/call me before then and let me know if you’re interested in a little bit o’box hefting. I’ll absolutely understand if you don’t want to, and if you do want to then I’ll be eternally grateful and stand you a beer afterwards, or a fizzy beverage of your choice.

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