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Hey, I just washed that hair.

Posted by on August 29, 2002

We all know smoking kills you deader than a bask of crocodiles, right? Folks who smoke are one hundred percent victims of good marketing. There is nothing that says “dumb as a bag of hammers” to me like seeing someone light up, so I’m a little disturbed by how many of my people are doing it all over campus. I mean they are everywhere. And it’s not just the dotty frosh either – my friends do it, the Pentavirate does it, hell, even I’ve done it, and as you know I am real real smart.

It’s not like drugs, dig? Drugs have a clear benefit, in that they make you briefly and excitingly stupid. Cigarettes just make you smelly, and p.s., don’t tell me they relax you because, son, they are uppers. And if you really need an excuse to hover around that cute girl for fifteen minutes while you work up the nerve to talk to her, why not try a method that doesn’t involve ruining her clothes, your teeth, and the air quality for your fifteen stammering bros?

But, um, ranting aside for a second – school is so fun. There are all kindsa people there who aren’t caucasianasian, and lots of them are smart, and my teachers care what they’re talking about, and I get to write papers and wear a backpack and be not dogmeat anymore. It’s like the air I breathe has turned to gold, except in a symbolic, pretty way rather than an actual, death-inducing way.

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