Swimming in Soup, Hair Sticky

Found in my e-mail archive, from a letter to KTV:

It's raining. It gives me a warm feeling inside. I look out the window into the parking lot and think to myself, "It's raining. God is washing my car."

It just started to hail. I looked out my window again. "God is throwing rocks at my car," I thought. "God hates me."

I got a job. You’ll all be relieved to hear it, I know. In the staff meeting this morning, Boss looked at me kindly and said “I’m SO glad you found a job that’s right for you!”

“Well,” I said. “It’s less money. And it’s mindless idiotic work. So yeah, I guess I found my level.”

“I just wish we could keep you,” said Boss.

“You can!” I said, brightening. “Don’t you remember? I applied for this job! Remember, you had my resume, and you said we would talk about it?”

“Mm,” said Boss.

“And then we never did talk about it though,” I said, darkening. “You just handed me a stack of resumes to schedule for interviews and mine wasn’t in it.”

“Ah,” said Boss.

“You did interview my best friend though,” I said.

“Urm,” said Boss, and that was the end of it. In my fantasy staff meeting, where I spoke my mind.