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“Throw her in. Throw her in.”

Posted by on July 19, 2002

This morning I had three eggs for breakfast, and an english muffin. Then I went to Brewed and had a large coffee. When I got to work, I was hungry again.

“How can this be?” I asked.

“Your coffee ate your breakfast,” said Carol. “Happens all the time.”

Urgh. I don’t like when my food eats my other food.

Later, I was browsing around online, reading various Ain’t He Cute stories about parenting and feeling good about my impending pregnancy, when I came across this one. Suddenly I felt so queasy that my coffee puked my breakfast back up into my stomach where it belongs. Hey, at least I have my breakfast back. But now I’m worried. What if I, too, try to throw my child in a hole? If these witty, charming bloggers are bad parents then what chance do I have? I don’t even have a college degree! I can’t even play piano! I only have three pairs of socks!

I think I should practice on a fake baby (a.k.a. a baby belonging to someone else) before I get started on my real baby (a.k.a. baby belonging to me). So if you have a baby you don’t like very much, can you please let me know and I will take it for a few hours and practice not throwing it away? Thank you.

Apologies to Michele, who had to hear and subdue this ranting twice.

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