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Shazbot! Shazbot! And you thought I was cool.

Posted by on June 13, 2002

Star Wars fans be warned: this will probably piss you off. Everyone else be warned: this is the most boring blog entry in the history of narcissistic websites, and that is certainly saying something.

Last night I had dinner with Jack and he finally gave me some perspective on why I hate Star Wars so much.

Up until now, I had been operating on the premise that a filmmaker should make movies which can sweep people up and consume them for the two point whatever hours that they last. Jack pointed out, though, that most of them (the good ones, obviously, not James Cameron) probably make films for the same reason any artist practices his work: for themselves. Ergo, while I can point to a hundred different factors which prevented me from gaining any enjoyment out of, for example, Episode II, it’s very possible that for Lucas, stilted dialogue, two-dimensional characters and a listless plot are the stones paving the road to Nirvana. In other words, he might just make crappy movies on purpose.

Whoa! Please stop throwing rocks at my head.

Thanks. Anyway, initially it seemed weird to me that I got so pissed off about the atrociousness of I and II when I am only listlessly unimpressed by films which are far worse (i.e. Scary Movie). But really, here’s me, fantasy reader and all-around nerd, going to see a sci-fi fairy tale: this should be a long-term relationship, right? But I just can’t get into it, so I get pissed off, especially since most people seem to have no problem. And I realized I got pissed off because I thought Lucas was just being a cock-tease, offering me a tasty film and then pulling a last-minute switcheroo and feeding me a heaping spoonful of foul-smelling marketing genius.

But I’m over it now, thanks to Jack. Because hey, Lucas isn’t a cock-tease if he thinks he’s delivering a great product. And I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I’m just not willing to give another $8.50.

End stupid Star Wars rant. Please feel free to pelt me with electronic vitriol, if you are one of the lucky few who knows me. And for the thousands of strangers who read this page, I guess you can just return to trying to kill each other in Tribes.

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