Carthage

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July 24, 2002

Nobody sees the grannies.

"Come here," said my coworker. "I want to see what size you are."

"Scooby Doo noise of inquiry," I said (mmmrrrruh?) as she grabbed my waist and spun me around so my back was to her. "Fievel squeak of outrage!" I said, as she pulled out the waistband of my skirt so she could peer down at the tag. I mean pulled out the waistband. I could feel the breeze. "Furious blushing," I said, feeling so thankful that I hadn't decided to go thonged or, gulp, commando this morning. One thing I cannot handle is flashing my ass at a coworker before noon. As it was she was treated to a stunning display of my hot pink raggedy-elastic grannywear. Something no one sees, ever, even the Sicilian after seven months of basically living together and all the weird little intimacies that entails. Nobody sees the grannies. It is a cardinal rule.

It's not like this was the dreaded Sexual Harassment. It was more like being a five year old and being manhandled for your own good, like when my aunt used to have to check every morning to make sure my cousin had put on underwear for school. Apparently he had issues with his underwear.

Speaking of, whatever happened to the Michele and Erica plan of starting an underwear company?

Posted by didofoot at July 24, 2002 11:07 AM

Comments

I should have protected you! I should have been your Sheena!

Posted by: tracy at July 24, 2002 11:46 AM

that's right, tracy! protect the black man from the encroaching panties-seekers!

hmm...i forgot about our skivvies plan....i still have that book somewhere.

Posted by: michele at July 24, 2002 01:00 PM

ah yes, reminds me of the days when i was a late bloomin' athlete and the football coach made us drop our punting pants to prove we had worn our jock straps. luckily back then i wasn't wearing granny panties.

Posted by: marc at July 24, 2002 03:47 PM

so....but now you ARE wearing them?

Posted by: michele at July 24, 2002 04:03 PM

nope. just grampy pants.

Posted by: marc at July 24, 2002 04:14 PM

got lots of grandkids running around your saggy knees there, ey grampy? occasional outbursts of "young whippersnappers!" probably explode from you at odd intervals.

Posted by: michele at July 24, 2002 04:29 PM

underwear~!! underwear!!! oh god, michele, we need to get started on that again!! here, wait a minute, let me GET OFF THE INTERNET and walk into the other room to squeak that ecstatically at you. skivvies, skivvies, skivvies!!!!!

Posted by: erica at July 28, 2002 08:03 PM

Celexa is starting to sound like a very nice girl's name.

Posted by: Dianna at July 21, 2004 11:07 AM

or aldara. not buspar though. or skelaxin. too much like the skeksises.

skivvies! well...that plan failed. though i have made condom pocket underwear for quite a few people now. mostly lesbians. what a waste.

Posted by: michele at July 21, 2004 11:13 AM

One might wonder why you're not making condom pocket underwear for me. At least, one might wonder that until one remembers that you're hoping to sabotage my non-reproductive plans. Bastard.

Posted by: Dianna at July 21, 2004 11:16 AM

snort. i am so clever with the planning....

i could make you some. do you wear size 6?

Posted by: michele at July 21, 2004 11:19 AM

i love my condom pocket underwear even though i am on the pill so i just use the pocket to carry cookies in for in case if i need a snack.

Posted by: didofoot at July 21, 2004 11:26 AM

sorry, had to delete them. leaving them contributes to their google pagerank and they make money. i can't encourage it.

Posted by: gene at July 21, 2004 01:16 PM

keep up the good work, gene! damn celexa, i refuse to birth you now.

Posted by: michele at July 21, 2004 01:36 PM

Size 6? Er. Beats me? Maybe 5. Stupid underwear sizes and their not matching up to pants sizes. Why is that, anyway?

COOKIE POCKET UNDERWEAR!

Posted by: Dianna at July 21, 2004 03:46 PM

they match up to the small, medium, large size gambit if that helps. like 4-5 is small, 5-7 is medium, and 7-9 is large. sort of. there's scales. man, underwear is dumb.

Posted by: michele at July 21, 2004 04:05 PM

Stupid underwear. We should all boycott it.

I think I do wear a 5, then. That sounds right. Relatively small, but not tiny. Yes, officer, that's my ass, right there in the lineup.

Posted by: Dianna at July 21, 2004 04:14 PM

dianna i would say you are maybe even a 4.

Posted by: didofoot at July 22, 2004 12:14 PM

really? she's not that much skinnier than you is she?

Posted by: michele at July 22, 2004 12:17 PM

I don't think I'm skinnier than Kristen at all, actually, not where the ass is concerned. How do you people even know they sell size 4 underwear? I've never even seen it.

Posted by: Dianna at July 22, 2004 01:01 PM

yeah, i think maybe it actually starts at 5. my bad.

Posted by: michele at July 22, 2004 01:30 PM

hey i am wearing my condom pocket underwear today (henceforth known as "cumderwear" perhaps?) and i used it to transport tea bags from my house to gene's. the kind that are wrapped in paper of course. pretty exciting.

Posted by: didofoot at July 22, 2004 05:44 PM

that's brilliant! i've been wondering what to do with those pockets now that condoms are pretty much out of the picture. i also thought perhaps i could get my hands on some of those little mints that are individually wrapped, like a complimentary treat for being around my underwear. it's the least i can do, really.

Posted by: erica at July 23, 2004 11:48 AM

ooh good idea. or we could fill our pockets with those dippin dots, because who doesn't love those? i am eager to attract carnies and fair-goers alike to the funfair in my crotch.

Posted by: didofoot at July 23, 2004 11:50 AM

A pocket for moist towelettes, to allow the crotch attendee to freshen up a bit?

Posted by: Dianna at July 23, 2004 11:57 AM

or perhaps i can leave it empty and attach a sassy sign reminding the user that tipping is not a city in china.

Posted by: didofoot at July 23, 2004 12:05 PM

dipping dots would melt next to the moist crotchian climes. i'm just saying.

tipping, however, should always be encouraged.

Posted by: michele at July 23, 2004 12:14 PM

It would be really fantastic if it came out that, in fact, there IS a city in China called Tipping.

Posted by: Dianna at July 23, 2004 01:10 PM

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