The Scraping

Whenever the wind really gets to blowin’ — which isn’t, like, totally unheard-of on this exposed little island — something in our newly landscaped yard makes a loud banging and scraping noise as if the fence were once again falling over. I dash to the window every time and frantically look the place over, but nothing has ever fallen down. (Sometimes enormous parts of the nearby palm tree’s trunk do blow off and land near our car, but that does not account for this particular noise.)

My best* guess currently is that one of the legion of squirrels that daily try to dig up our new plants gets taken by the breeze and dragged across the pavement for several feet with its claws making a horrible sound, leaving it so traumatized that it swims across to the mainland at the first opportunity and makes its home in a less windy part of the Bay Area and tells all its children and grandchildren never to dig up new plants or the wind gods will strike them down.

*Best guess not because it’s the most likely to be accurate, but because it’s the one I most wish were true.

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Yard photos

I am still startled by how much I love our newly landscaped backyard. I spend so much time out there: if it’s not absolutely freezing, I’m out there pretty much whenever the sun is shining, even if I’m wrapped up in four layers.

Here’s the yard about a year before the remodel. This isn’t an accurate picture, because this was taken right before we chopped down the acacias along the back of the property. After that, all the other plants went NUTS and got enormous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you want to see extensive time-lapse videos of the work being done, you can check those out here. Otherwise, let’s skip straight to the finished product:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(I just realized it looks like we got rid of the pool, but no.) We’re going to have a table and chairs and the grill on that big yellow circular patio. The trees around that are jacarandas which will bloom with purple flowers.

That will go nicely with the mound behind them which is covered in lavender plants. These will eventually cover the mound and bloom purple, with a border of yellow and white flowering plants around the edge:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And we have planter boxes!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, remember how the fence fell down and then we had ropes stretching across the yard to hold it in place for, like, ten months?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gene designed a gorgeous new fence and now it stands up on its own and everything:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m still startled every time I look out the window and see all the paths and the tidy gravel circles and everything. I love going out every day and checking to see whether anything’s gotten bigger. (Or whether anything’s being choked by the stupid weeds that are everywhere. Or whether anything’s been dug up by the rapacious goddamn squirrels.)

As soon as it’s warm enough we’ll have a yard-warming pool party. And since the sun is shining today, I think it’s time for me to go crawl over every inch of it and pull up all the freaking clover that’s trying to kill my babies. Woot!

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Waiting for my pedicure to dry

People asked a bunch of the sexiest male celebrities to describe their perfect day. Almost all of them said some version of “I want to be at my house with my family.”

Come on! You’re hot, rich and famous. There are plenty of great things you can do with your family outside the house. How about this…

Because you’re hot and people will pay to stare at you

“I’d pull all the fabric and ribbon and scraps from around my house and spend the day with my wife and kids creating alien costumes. Then in the evening I’d recruit some of my other hot famous friends and we’d put on an Alien Fashion show with a high ticket price. The proceeds would go to a charity of my kids’ choosing.”

Because you’re rich

“I’d charter a private plane and I’d fill it with chocolate fountains. At first my family and I could just have a demure chocolate-dipping party, but as soon as the barrel rolls started and the chocolate started flying, we could have a truly epic food fight.”

Because you’re famous

“I’d convince a studio that I should host an in-depth documentary about modern-day Disneyland. They’d close the park for filming and my family and I would carefully test every ride several times for the show.”

I started wondering if I was being hypocritical here. I mean, I’m not hot, rich or famous, but I’m healthy and I have disposable income. So what’s my ideal day? Do I just want to be at my house with my family?

Here’s what I decided: my ideal day is waking up on the houseboat, having some coffee and Bailey’s while Adam peacefully sails his remote control boat. Quick dip in the lake, a few hours on the roof reading Henry James, then a trip in the speedboat to explore a waterfall and climb some rocks. More time on the roof, followed by crazy dancing in the kitchen cooking dinner with the ladies, followed by dinner on the Lido Deck watching the bats come out. Then sparklers, skinny dipping, and a showing of Disney’s Robin Hood.

Basically, I just want to be at the houseboat with my family.

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Prettiness

One of the great children’s authors of our time, Diana Wynne Jones, passed away last year. She was one of those astonishingly prolific writers whose nevertheless manages to create fresh plots and compelling characters with each new book. I just found these editions of some of her books designed by Nina Tara and now I’m in love with her all over again:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m a sucker for a dramatic book cover. I don’t often indulge myself — spending an extra $10 on one book means buying four fewer books at a library sale — but someday when science has cured our need to eat (no more grocery bills) and we all have free houses made out of holograms or whatever (no more mortgage), I will swap out every battered old book in my library for a lovely well-designed version. And I might start with these.

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The Great Re-Reading: Austen

I’ll give you something to cry about, Fanny Price.

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One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.

Kris: I have a Nicki Minaj song stuck in my head.

Gene: Ugh.

Kris: I know. I really don’t like the way she talks about other women.

Gene: [blinks] Wait, that’s your problem? The lyrics?

Kris: Yeah. The songs are quite catchy otherwise.

Gene: I…what…how are we married right now?

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Source material

While having dinner at Jacob’s on Sunday we somehow got into a riff about Gene’s interest in Ridley Scott, which ended in a joke about how all his sex ed came from Ridley Scott movies. I went right along with this. Later on I got home and looked this guy up and apparently the sex that everyone else was talking about was the horrifying stuff from the Alien movies. What I was talking about was Brad Pitt as a hot cowboy in Thelma and Louise.

The moral of this story is: always cite your sources.

 

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The Great Re-Reading: Julie Andrews (Edwards)

Yes, that Julie Andrews, the one who starred in the two most important movies of my childhood: Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music. She also writes children’s books. Surprising, I know. (But close your mouth, please, Michael. We are not a codfish.) I own The Julie Andrews Edwards Treasury, which combines two of her books: Mandy and The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles.

Mandy is a decent read: an orphan girl finds a little abandoned cottage and spends a year making it her own: mainly this involves a lot of gardening and fairly engaging descriptions of nature and hard work. And then of course love and happiness ensue, as in all the great orphan child fiction. It combines the outdoorsy details of The Secret Garden with the child-sized coziness of The Little Princess. It’s not totally supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, but it’s a little bit supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles, the other book in this collection, combines a truly awesome and exciting title with a strangely boring story that I will never read again. I remember hating it the first time and after a few pages this time I just closed it up. Never has such a great title disappointed me so much.

Still, I would hang onto this volume even if I hated the whole thing out of respect for the actress who gave me so many happy hours as a child. Here’s to Julie Andrews Edwards: one of my favorite things. (I also enjoy whiskers on kittens and bright copper kettles.)

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The Great Re-Reading: Aiken and Alcott

Joan Aiken

The woman has written something like seventy books. I read The Wolves of Willoughby Chase so often growing up that my copy is loved to bits. So why do I only own one other book by her? (It’s The Shadow Guests, also pretty great.) And why do I never see her stuff at library sales? (I think the second question answers the first.) Resolution: more Aiken in my life.

Louisa May Alcott

You know who is great to read when you have a lot of housework to do is Louisa May Alcott. Her characters elevate housework to practically a spiritual calling. It keeps you physically fit! It helps those around you! It makes you a model of womanhood or some such thing! I mean, when I think about this critically obviously I don’t want to pin my own sense of womanhood on whether I’ve emptied the dishwasher, but when you HAVE to do the work it’s nice to feel that it’s important. Also, if you have a bunch of housework you really should be doing, nothing is nicer than neglecting it to read about other women doing housework.

In seriousness though, Louisa May Alcott, while preachy, does feel like a clean little wind in your brain. She exhorts people of both genders to be honest, reliable, responsible, grateful, charitable and industrious. These are important qualities at any time, and the reminder is especially valuable at this often-materialistic time of year.

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Spice it up

This has been a week of showing people around the house for the first time. It’s not until you give a tour that you start to look at your everyday items with a critical eye. You begin to wonder what people think about — to take an example completely at random — the container of pepper spray I keep on my nightstand. What do people think I use this for, I wonder?

Kris: “Not tonight, honey, I have a headache.” SSSSSSSSS.

Gene: “Augh, my facial region!”

When in reality I use it to repel burglars on evenings when Gene isn’t home. Obviously.

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