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Immaculate perception
Just told my yard guy that I’ll be inside while he works, but that he should feel free to “knock me up” if he needs anything. Obviously I meant he should knock on the door and I would come down. That was clear, right?
Tale as old as time?
So…it turns out that my copy of Beauty and the Beast includes a whole new song I have never seen before, plus a new scene wherein it is revealed that the Beast is basically illiterate. Both scene and song are fairly terrible. Where did this come from, though? Is it possible my films have been … Continue reading
The next project
All three of you readers might remember that Gene and I had three projects planned when we moved in: replacing the windows, remodeling the kitchen and remodeling the yard. We’ve finished the first one, and now we’re getting ready to start work on the yard. Not a minute too soon, either — yesterday we were … Continue reading
Pillar of the community
I went to the library recently to get the children’s book we were reading for this month’s Finer Things Club, but before I went looking for it I first picked up some books about anxiety disorders.* Here’s what I know now: nothing says “trustworthy adult” like browsing the children’s section while clutching a stack of … Continue reading
Pop quiz
If you are having mild stomach cramps, you should: A. Eat half a cheese pizza and watch Speed. B. Eat half a cheese pizza and watch Doctor Who. C. Eat half a cheese pizza and watch every episode of Very Mary Kate. I’m thinking B? Only one way to find out, I guess.
Hoes!
Driving on the freeway yesterday, I saw this graffiti: HOES HOES HOES HOES! HOES! HOES! HOES!!! Is this a call to arms, an appeal to the sisterhood? Is it an exultant poem celebrating the world’s abundance of loose ladies? Is it about garden tools? Regardless of your motivations, brother, you said a mouthful.
The Worm Turns
Got some lettuce from the little farmer’s market produce stand on the corner. There was a teeny tiny worm in it. A WORM. Honest to god, I do not see the point of organic produce.
To See or Not To See
Gene and I saw Hamlet at Cal Shakes last night. I give it a solid sideways thumb. Obviously, nothing was going to live up to the last production of Hamlet that I saw, so I’m trying to add grains of salt to my review, but here are some issues I had: Claudius delivered all his … Continue reading
Dinner with the Millers
“You have a very distinctive walk,” Tracy told me after I had distinctively walked from the restroom back to our table. “We were trying to figure out what song you have playing in your head, that you’re walking to.” “Like on Ally McBeal,” I said. “Right.” “Think of something Ian will hate,” I suggested, because … Continue reading
Cheerocracy
A few months ago I sent Michele this email: THERE ARE CHEERLEADERS. IN OUR DRIVEWAY. Two middle school girls. Doing cheers. IN MY DRIVEWAY, WHY??? I assume they belong to one of the neighbors, but this is…kind of hysterical. And adorable. Heh. Bring it on! (If you’ve never been to my house, I should mention … Continue reading