Author Archives: didofoot
I get around like a greyhound
Listening to the Lad on KALX. As far as I can see, here are the advantages to having a famous boyfriend: – Luna will let us in for breakfast even if there is a wait. – Invitation to Grammies. – Bitches. – Cameos in Adam Sandler films. – Canapes. – Honorary degree means I don’t … Continue reading
Seen chalked on the pavement at SFSU
In big, white letters: Only poets see poetry in public The illusion of choices In small, blue letters nearby: Merlito likes guys
Maybe he swam away
Just got a call from a detective. Apparently, one of my school friends is an official missing person, which I guess would explain why he hasn’t responded to my emails lately. It was weird to be giving my hesitant opinion about the life and psychology of someone I’ve only known a few months; I kept … Continue reading
Carthage is three. I am a brunette.
Now and then some friend of a friend mentions that he reads my site on a regular basis. For these people I’m just a fictional character; running into me at a party must be like seeing Elizabeth Bennet hanging out and drinking a beer–or really, let’s face it, Moll Flanders. The me they see here … Continue reading
big
I’m sitting under eight menacing paper hearts which I hung from our ceiling because I figured it would be a good way to fulfill my Valentine responsibilities. The intended impact was a room fluttering with a kind of lacey, helpless, Victorian love, the whole roof sighing and rustling its skirts. Unfortunately, I could only reach … Continue reading
A little zooey
I’ve got the country cousin of a fierce cold. The cold itself would have knocked me on my ass but the cousin is more hesitant and contents itself with scratching its initials on the back of my throat where it thinks no one will notice and stomping aerobically around my head where it thinks no … Continue reading
Happy birthday, Michele!
I’ll take ye under the sea t’be me BRIDE! (For I am a silkie.) My friend Muppet, you have tirelessly butt-danced your way through 26 years on behalf of all the children, and I for one am here to say: thank you. Thank you and your butt-dancing foundation. I hope you will continue to dance … Continue reading
Didofoot smites the unbeliever
“Um, hi! I was just wondering if you have accepted Jesus into your heart?” asked a meek Asian girl (and why are they always Asian?). “No,” I said. “Thor pretty much takes up all the room in my heart these days.” “Oh, well, um, we like discussing other points of view, so if you want … Continue reading
You know you were thinking it
“For example,” said my Anthro prof, “if you were doing an ethnography of American culture, you might ask something like: what’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?” An embarrassed wave of silence swept over us which practically etched the word MASTURBATE in the air.
From beneath you it devours
We have a new neighbor. She’s been living in the apartment underneath ours for a few weeks now, so I’m not in a position to say much about her except what I can glean from leaning casually out the back door to listen in on her loud phone conversations. The only thing I really know … Continue reading