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The Groaning

Posted by on November 11, 2011

I’ve been sick most of the week. Still working through it, but the drugs have just kicked in, so for the moment I’m willing to be funny about it. Truthfully, I am not too good with illness or pain. I quickly get to the point where my throat only wants honeyed tea, but I cannot stand the thought of drinking another cup of it.  I get all woozy and wobbly but I cannot stand the idea of eating anything. Basically, the thought of anything that will make me feel better in the long term makes me feel nauseated in the short term. And thus I find myself left alone with what I refer to mentally as The Groaning.

I don’t know whether you guys are into this? When I’m sick, it eventually becomes the only thing that makes me feel better. It’s pretty simple, really. I lie around and I clutch whatever hurts, usually my head, and I groan. I mean, I GROOOOOOOAAN. It isn’t a pity move — The Groaning is best used when I am alone in the house. In fact, I’m not sure Gene has ever gotten to hear it. (Though I’m pretty sure he’s heard its little sister, The Whimpering. The Whimpering is TOTALLY a pity move.) I guess The Groaning is just a way to register my unhappiness with the universe.

The Groaning starts off small, with a little bit of “urrrr.” Inspired by my success, I then move on to a nice, robust “rrrrraaaaaahh.”  This is where it gets tricky. You don’t want to crescendo too early, but you need to keep building on your momentum, so here I like to go with a “yerrrrr,” followed by a quiet “gruh.” After that, I pretty much let my artist’s sensibility dictate the remainder of the performance, but it almost always ends with a sad little sigh.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a little of my folk medicine with you guys. And now I’ve been sitting up and not groaning for way too long, so if you will excuse me I’m going to return to staring at the wall and clutching my head.

URRRRR.

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