Here was the first part of my ad:
“This coffeemaker and I had a little misunderstanding, wherein I left it on all day accidentally. It has a safety shut-off feature, but before it shut itself off it seems to have made a little hole in its bottom. Now when you pour water into the well, it comes out the bottom. It’s my belief that this hole could be easily fixed by an industrious person such as yourself. The coffeemaker still turns on just fine, so I bet if you patch the hole it will work again. I DO NOT KNOW THIS FOR SURE. But it’s free, so what do you really have to lose?”
Yesterday afternoon, an obliging woman came and took it away.
Since then, she’s left me two startled voice mails to say that the bottom leaks, and do I have the receipt?
Lady, YOU GOT IT FOR FREE.
The interesting part of this is that she is a native English speaker. She clearly had the capability to read the ad. I have to assume that her lack of caffeine is what’s confusing her, and goodness knows I can understand that.
On the other hand, stop calling me.