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The Day I Shot Cupid

Posted by on April 14, 2010

I have now finished reading Jennifer Love Hewitt’s book, The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m a Love-aholic.

I do this for you, people. All for you.

I really enjoyed this book. It made me giggle several times. Honestly, I have no idea whether I’m laughing with her or at her. She is the director, producer and star of her own TV show, and I have to think that requires some brains and savvy, so it seems entirely possible that she (or her ghostwriter) is being tongue-in-cheek throughout. Either way, this thing is peppered with gems. Vagazzle gems, that is. Allow me to drop some Love knowledge on you…

How to get a guy to snuggle:

“Guys hate to spoon…So here’s the trick: Play it cool until he falls asleep and then Velcro yourself to him, quickly and with very little motion (think Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible). And then, if and when he wakes, turn quickly like you were just stretching, and wait. When the little lamb sleeps again One…Two…Three…Velcro!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I am inexpressibly sad to think that this lovely, famous woman has to trick guys into snuggling with her.

“Fat, and not with a PH”

In this brief section, Love rants for a few paragraphs about people calling her fat. But she doesn’t care! She just sips her margarita and orders some FOOD for dinner! “OH, I BET YOU LOVE THAT! FOOD. THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID FOOD!” What kind of food, Love? She doesn’t say, but she is eating it “bite by low-calorie bite.” That’ll show ’em.

“Be Polite, It’s Cellulite”

“Department stores have seen what lurks under your jeans and have invented shorts — tight, skin-colored, cut-off-the-blood-supply shorts…And now you waddle. They are so tight…’Be polite, it’s cellulite.’ Lots of women have it!…models have it. Yeah, perfect people are just like us! Let’s all have a celly parade! Walk in bikinis and invite people to bring tomatoes to throw at our cottage cheese! And the shorts from those Einsteins at the Spanx company have saved our lives…Don’t shoot the messenger, but put on those shorts and learn to waddle!”

I find it kind of endearing that she hates her cellulite-hiding, waddle-making Spanx so much that she wants every woman to wear them. I mean, on all the days except the day we have our celly parade.

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