My resolution not to blog about it lasted exactly this long.
For the last several weeks I’ve been very confused. I have other friends planning their weddings right now, and I’ve seen it done before: nobody seems to go through all the doubt and stress and general scowling that I’m going through.
I’ve been assuming that this stress is coming from my basic girly desire to have a foofy pretty wedding, with flowers and tulle and stuff, warring with the wedding that Gene and I agreed to have, which is low-purchase, low-employee, low-stress.
But if this is true, why does my stomach clench every time I start considering decorations and color themes?
Today I finally realized what’s going on. My problem isn’t that I want a fancier wedding. It’s that I feel like I should want it, but I don’t.
I do not want to spend the next several months considering DIY invitation possibilities, or growing ten large flower pots of jasmine to line the aisle, or finding cheap paper fan wedding favors. I do not want to worry about what the wedding party, the guests or the groom will wear. I do not want to worry about other people’s expectations for our guest list, our reception, our venue, our wardrobes or the amount of pageantry in our ceremony. I do not want tablecloths on the picnic tables, or centerpieces, or tulle.
I just want you all to come to this beautiful park that we found, and then have some drinks and some food and take silly pictures in the photo booth and play bocce and croquet. I want you to come in jeans if you like wearing jeans, or a pretty dress if you’d rather. I want you to take pictures of each other and of us and share them around.
Is that enough? Is that okay? Can you be excited to attend a wedding like that?
Man, I hope so, because I think that’s the wedding we’re having.
[Slowly relax. Big smile. End.]