Some things I need help with

I need a little help with chat etiquette, which I guess could be called “chatiquette,” but that seems annoying. Is there a standard salutation required to see if someone’s free and their boss isn’t standing right behind them? Or can you assume that if they’re online then they’re available? Basically, is it a) ok that I sometimes open a chat with Geetika by rhapsodizing about my new sexy underwear or b) not okay?

I also need a little help picking out asparagus. What does one look for in an asparagus bunch? For a long time I thought the skinniest asparagus was the best, but at Safeway you can only get them in thick, dried-out-looking stalks, so now I don’t know. It usually turns out okay if I drown them in oil and salt and pepper and roast them until they’re all flimsy, like a co-ed in a hot tub. But it would be nice to taste their intended flavor.

This is not my asparagus.