I caught the hosting bug sometime in December and it’s been lingering ever since. Echinacea and Vitamin C don’t even touch it — I’ve been expelling fluids (mainly wine and beer) and coughing up the occasional dinner party for months.
After we had five people over last night, I finally decided to call the advice nurse at Kaiser. The following is a transcript of our conversation:
Nurse: So what seems to be the trouble today?
Me: It’s kind of embarrassing, but…I’ve been hosting a lot.
Nurse: I’m sorry, you’ve been what?
Me: Hosting. Since December.
Nurse: I don’t think I’m familiar with this term, can you describe your symptoms for me?
Me: Ok, so back in December a good friend of ours came to town. We started hosting a lot of events so everyone would get to see him while he was here.
Nurse: …Ok.
Me: But then he left, and we just kept on hosting.
Nurse: And this is a medical problem?
Me: See, it’s not like it’s painful. Actually I love it. It’s great to have our friends around a lot.
Nurse: Riiiight…
Me: But I worry that it’s not normal. You know, like a meth addiction probably feels pretty good too at first, but it’s not necessarily a healthy thing.
Nurse: And has meth been involved?
Me: No, no. That was a simile. It’s been mostly dinner parties and an occasional evening of board games.
Nurse: I’m getting the feeling that what you’re talking about isn’t, strictly speaking, a medical issue.
Me: You don’t think so?
Nurse: No.
Me: So I shouldn’t worry?
Nurse: The only thing I can think of is maybe you could become stressed by all your entertaining. Or maybe there could be some physical wear and tear. Have you been cleaning the house much?
Me: Cleaning?
Nurse: You know, light cleaning? Sweeping the floors, scrubbing the sink, making the bed? Before guests come over.
Me: No, not ever.
Nurse: No cleaning of any kind?
Me: No way.
Nurse: Ok, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You can keep on hosting.
Me: Awesome.
Nurse: Your guests might have something to say about the state of the house, though. Especially if they have dust allergies.
Me: Yeah. I’ll have them call you if anyone starts wheezing.
Nurse: Sounds good. Thanks for calling Kaiser.
And speaking of hosting, here’s my last pitch for this here party:
WHAT: The Cement Horizon Birthday Bash
WHEN: Saturday, February 24, starting at 8 pm.
WHERE: Our apartment in San Francisco. Send an email to rsvp at cementhorizon.com for the complete address, if you don’t already know it.