He said “Ich bin ein Berliner,” so I ate him.

For a long time I have secretly believed that the monstrous appetite which earned me the nickname “Piggy” was overstated. This nickname began when I went to Europe with Michele and Nuala just after high school. I thought it arose from a misconception about my appetite, which appeared to be enormous simply because my companions were never hungry, but I didn’t complain because it’s ok to be called Piggy if you’re reasonably skinny.

I am learning otherwise now, as my appetite slowly increases. There’s just something about Europe that makes me incredibly hungry all the time. As an example, a few days ago I had a perfectly normal breakfast, but for lunch I had a baguette sandwich the length of my forearm and for dinner I had a large plate of canneloni and half a pizza. Yesterday I ate about twice that amount of food. And this morning, maddened by the half-hour delay between waking up and breakfast, I accidentally fell on and consumed the Lad.

I offer this as an explanation about why he will not be blogging or appearing in pictures in the future. The lack of blog and appearance in the past I can’t really explain.

In other news, it seems Company X has taken the decision about whether or not to return to work out of my hands by eliminating the position I would have held. I imagine I will be devastated by this when I return home and am forced to frantically search for work while laying next to my parents’ pool, sipping a strawberry margarita and reading trashy vampire porn.