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March 14, 2007

Keep the bad girls sick sick sick

The Chronicle ran a story this morning about a vaccine to treat the human papilloma virus (HPV), which can cause cervical cancer (though it usually doesn't). There's a proposal on the board to make this a required vaccination for all seventh-grade girls, but according to the Chron article, "Conservative groups argued that a vaccine to prevent HPV, which is sexually transmitted, would encourage promiscuity."

Ok, this does sound, initially, like a stupid argument. But consider your own seventh grade experience, ladies, and I think you'll find that these conservative groups have a point. For example, in seventh grade I had a crush on John, a guy in my science class. He would walk up to me, drape his arm quickly over my shoulder, and bellow "Hey, baby!" Then I would squeal, smack him, and run. It was a daily ritual. I was twelve, so of course I was more than ready to jump in the sack with bellowing John, but one thing was stopping me: the human papilloma virus. Cervical cancer, and the virus which leads to it, were a big concern for me in seventh grade.

Oh, WAIT. No, I'm sorry. I'm thinking of Barbies and homework. Those were my big concerns in seventh grade, those and figuring out how to tease my bangs really high.

But now I wonder: what kept me preoccupied with these non-sexy issues? What prevented me from wanting to bed the other seventh graders? Was it the honest, frank talks my mom had with me whenever I had questions? Was it sex ed classes that included information on STDs, proper use of birth control, and real facts about pregnancy? Was it the fact that I WAS TWELVE?

No. It was the lack of a vaccine for HPV, a virus no one even mentioned to me until I was 22 and a doctor told me I may have contracted it. (I hadn't. But still.)

So, yes, I think those conservative voices have a good point. Let's prevent vaccinations for STDs, and let's not hand out condoms in schools, and let's not tell our kids how pregnancies happen until it's too late, and while we're at it let's encourage date rape victims to stay quiet and ashamed, and let's ban abortions so that all those teens who weren't educated and weren't given birth control options can be punished like they richly deserve to be.

Let's also cover Ohio in chocolate. While we're doing good things in the world.

Posted by didofoot at March 14, 2007 02:02 PM

Comments

you know the state that could really benefit from chocolate coating is kansas. man, i hate that state.

also the vaccination commercials bug the shit out of me, ("One less!"). so while i'm in favor of the vaccine, i am heartily against the marketing campaign.

did the chron article write about how it's a vaccine only valid for people younger than us? because, hello, where's my vaccine? who's the age group having sex here?

Posted by: michele at March 14, 2007 03:28 PM

No, I didn't see that part. I did see the part where some people are concerned that the vaccine might not have been tested enough to be using it on 12 year olds. And that seems like a valid criticism if it's coming from scientists, but the Chron only mentioned that it's coming from Democrats. So I dunno.

"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

"Yes, Dorothy, I can tell because licking the ground here doesn't cause instant dog death."

Posted by: didofoot at March 14, 2007 03:31 PM

it's only available to 9-26 year olds. we missed that cut-off age, my friend. we are doomed to be part of the "One More!" group.

Posted by: michele at March 14, 2007 03:52 PM

I'm 26 but can't afford it, as it costs $200+.
I guess poor people deserve HPV.

The irony of this whole debate is that they already made it mandatory for, I think, 7th and 8th grade girls in TEXAS, of all states. One would wonder how that would happen there of all places.

Posted by: robyn at March 14, 2007 05:09 PM

I'm 26. I should get on this.

And then, to tie into Kristen's point, I should get this on.

Posted by: Dianna at March 14, 2007 07:39 PM

Wait, I knew something was wrong with that statement. I'm 25. I'll be 26 in May. Evidently the mind is the first thing to go.

Posted by: Dianna at March 14, 2007 07:41 PM

does health insurance not cover it, robyn? because if so, that sucks ass.

Posted by: michele at March 14, 2007 09:06 PM

My doctor told me that the insurance wouldn't cover it. I was baffled. And I have really good insurance.

It does suck ass, but if it was free, there would probably be more ass-sucking. Hpv-free ass-sucking! Ok, that's gross.

Posted by: robyn at March 14, 2007 10:30 PM

If we take away the consequences, what's going to stop people from doing bad things?

For example: What if we made it possible for babies to digest honey? Sure, it might prevent a few child deaths, but then people would start feeding honey to babies. Then what? Clearly, this must not be allowed to happen.

Posted by: bd at March 15, 2007 11:44 AM

honey shortage! curse those babies!

eeeeeee, baby!

Posted by: michele at March 15, 2007 02:08 PM

Honey makes sore throats feel magically better. If there's no honey because the babies are eating all of it, I will be forced to drink hot toddies for my sore throat instead. And come on, what's worse here -- a few dead babies or Dianna drunk from too much warm lemony whiskey?

Posted by: Dianna at March 15, 2007 02:17 PM

Ew, hot toddies. They SOUND like such a great idea, but in practice they kind of make me gag. Let's give the toddies to the babies and keep the honey.

Posted by: didofoot at March 15, 2007 02:22 PM

Yes! I agree with all parts of that statement. I think the nice hot lemony part of the toddy actually intensifies the horribleness of the whiskey by vaporizing it straight into your unsuspecting nose. But I've heard that alcohol does a bang-up job of making babies become silent and sleepy, so I wholly support its use for that purpose.

Posted by: Dianna at March 15, 2007 02:29 PM

Not that we're anti-baby, mind you. No sir.

Posted by: didofoot at March 15, 2007 02:41 PM

eeeee...baby(!).

what i know about getting babies drunk is about what i know about getting mice drunk for a biology project. which is to say, a whole hell of a lot. to quiet teething babies, you dip your finger in alcohol and let them suck on it. to see if drunk mice can make it thru a maze as fast as non-drunk mice or mice hopped up on sugar, you pour some down their throats and watch them fall over a lot in the maze. you then get an A on your biology project. or at least you might if one of your cats hadn't eaten one of the test subjects and left its head under the kitchen table.

Posted by: michele at March 15, 2007 03:05 PM

Your cats are vicious, Michele. Leaving decapitated babies under the kitchen table? Peanut would never engage in such gruesome behavior.

Posted by: Dianna at March 15, 2007 03:10 PM

You still get an A. Why? Because you write a paragraph at the end discussing how one of your subjects was tragically eaten, this ruining your experiment, and you play up how upsetting this was, and then Passey feels sorry for you (and your partner, Kristen) and gives you both an A.

Posted by: didofoot at March 15, 2007 03:10 PM

Heh. Dianna's was better.

Also, let's have no more stories about heads.

Posted by: didofoot at March 15, 2007 03:11 PM

really, we still got A's? i remember that passey was like kermit the frog but not my grades. damn, i'm good. did i shed some fake tears too? it was pretty distressing.

Posted by: michele at March 15, 2007 04:38 PM

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