Mellow fruitlessness

I am enjoying the autumn-esque nature of this rainy weather. (Especially since I know it will be sunny and in the low seventies again over the weekend.) Thick sweaters, tights, boots. Pumpkin spice lattes. And, of course, fall decor. (Warning, headline contains the word motherf***er.)

Since McSweeney’s told me to, I decided to make some crafts. But I am only using stuff I already own, since I am a craft goddess and also very cheap. Item one, a leaf garland:

Are those REAL leaves, you are asking yourself and also me? I know, they are startlingly realistic in their symmetry, coloration and identical shapes, but believe it or not, I MADE those. Yes, it’s true. With a Martha Stewart template which I traced onto some fabric and tissue paper I had lying around.

Then I cut them all out until my hand cramped, and painted some of the fabric leaves with paint I had lying around, and hand sewed them all together on a ribbon until my hand cramped again. It was a bad day for my hand. But a good day for my mantel!

Then I found some chalkboard paper and some magnet-backed paper lying around (which, I know, might not be common household goods for everyone), and made bats. Chalkboard magnet bats! SOMETHING EVERY HOME SHOULD HAVE.

I wrote things on them like “BOO!” and “Vampire Bat” and “Look Out!”, but maybe I will come up with something more creative later. Some sort of Halloween haiku? I’m open to suggestions, but use small words because these bats are little and chalk is thick.