Monthly Archives: August 2003
Dear Ducky,
Happy birthday, circus person. I’ve known you for about eighteen years, roughly 39,420 butterfly lifetimes, and we still love each other. I think that is pretty neat. I can’t wait to see you this weekend. Thank you for your time, you’ve been a great audience. I would like to end this special birthday blog with … Continue reading
School. Yup. Neat.
I start school again on Wednesday. My excitement about this is a rock-colored throat goblin. It uses my uvula for monkey bars and does a perfect dismount onto my dry tongue. It takes naps curled like a hedgehog against the warmth of my glottis. It eats my breath for breakfast and leaves me wheezing like … Continue reading
Red Alert in the Nation of Me
The Nation of Me has been placed on red alert by the President today after a double terrorist attack left citizen shaken and afraid. The Nation was hit by illicit hugs twice today, once shortly after noon, and again at one o’clock. Sources close to the President have suggested that the hugs may have been … Continue reading
A Big Top Fairy Tale
Friends, you have read many of my complaints about my frustrating government job at a certain unnamed California university. Well this week, I finally decided to do something about it. I joined the circus. After an eight hour intensive course in acrobatics, I auditioned for the Cirque du Soleil’s new show, Zut!, a controversial acrobatic … Continue reading
Call For Papers
I have decided it’s time to get an enormous tattoo on my back. This will consist of a beautiful, wise, personally meaningful yet universally appealing quotation from one of my favorite authors, set in an attractive font snaking sideways up my spine. But what to choose? There have been so many phrases over my lifetime … Continue reading
Chicanery, 1996
“So what do you do for fun?” asked the other lifeguard, slathering Coppertone onto his toned, copper arms. “Um, I dunno,” I said, intimidated by his bronzed perfection and fratboy pursuits. “Just, you know, normal stuff…well, and the burro riding relay race.” “What’s a burro riding relay race?” “Oh, it’s really fun. See, you put … Continue reading
III
Ms. Foot began to argue with Mr. Wood not long after she began courting him. It started in the course of one of their habitual walks about the neighborhood, after they had been walking for some time uphill against the Market Street winds. “Come,” said Dido, “will you not take my arm? For I am … Continue reading
II
Mr. Wood was a tenant of Noe Place, a fine estate within walking distance of Dido’s own more modest home, Five Corners. He had a small party of gentlemen staying with him there, a Mr. Keane and Mr. Small. Mr. Small excited the neighborhood’s notice for the first three days of his residence there, for … Continue reading