March 21, 2005
Well, I like to say you have a jackass policy.
Me: Hi, do you take reservations?
Him: Oh, no. We like to say that reservations are a way to prevent spontaneity in life.
Me: I like to say that reservations are a way to prevent standing around in the cold for thirty minutes.
Him: Well, we like to say that reservations are a way to prevent diners from enjoying our fabulous ambiance and charming waiting area.
Me: Well, I like to say that reservations are a way to prevent my blood sugar from dropping so low that I "accidentally" rip off the host's face and eat it from sheer desperation.
Him: Well, we like to say that we are flexible.
Me: Well, I like to say that I will arrive at seven on Wednesday with a large party.
Him: Well, we like to say that we will be prepared.
Posted by didofoot at 12:40 PM | Comments (1)
March 04, 2005
"Genes, like diamonds, are forever..."
I'm plodding my way through the dense but rewarding The Selfish Gene these days, initially because it's an important part of my own altruistic Gene's canon but increasingly for its own sake too. Dawkins argues that the gene is the basic unit of evolution and programs its host body to, among other things, guard its offspring so that the gene will be able to survive in the new body of the child.
Reading this, I'm starting to worry that my genes may have mutated a little on their trip from my parents to me. My immediate reaction to a screaming child, rather than an inclination to soothe or protect, is "Euagh, kill it!" I think most people only have this reaction to bugs or rodents or Carrot Top. It's possible I'm programmed only to soothe and protect my own children, and killing other people's children is actually a survivial mechanism ensuring less competition for my own gene machines, but what if I'm wrong?
Also, while a gene is the basic unit of evolution, a kris is a curvy-edged Malayan dagger. Basically, he creates life and I slice it to bits. None of this speaks too highly for my potential parenting abilities.
Posted by didofoot at 02:35 PM | Comments (12)
March 03, 2005
All this to avoid learning any more Anthro terms
Here I am enjoying our love palace alone again. The Lad and I can't seem to coordinate our schedules these days, which is odd since he maps his out in writing for all to see. Very odd, when you think about it. I've come to the conclusion that one of us is probably having affair, and if the past 11 years have taught me anything it's that it's unlikely to be him. But who am I sleeping with? I've been watching myself suspiciously for days, trying to determine whether my behavior has been different lately, and once I even had myself followed although it turned out I only went to the grocery store. I hate when I get jealous like this. Left alone, I obsessively check my call logs in my cellphone for new numbers; I rummage through my underwear drawer looking for love notes. Once I even read my email, but I didn't find anything. I'm so ashamed of myself, but what else can I do? If something's going on, I've surely got a right to know.
Posted by didofoot at 06:18 PM | Comments (9)
March 01, 2005
I get around like a greyhound
Listening to the Lad on KALX. As far as I can see, here are the advantages to having a famous boyfriend:
- Luna will let us in for breakfast even if there is a wait.
- Invitation to Grammies.
- Bitches.
- Cameos in Adam Sandler films.
- Canapes.
- Honorary degree means I don't have to take upcoming midterms.
Posted by didofoot at 08:27 AM | Comments (4)
