January 28, 2004
Look out, Jack
It was around this time last year that I met Elliott Smith at Safeway, so maybe that's why I'm only just beginning to feel genuinely sad about his death. Last night I watched poor old E struggling through the inadvertently hilarious Miss Misery video and I remembered Jason Martin telling me way back when I was 20 that I might as well be obsessed with ESmith since Nick Drake was already dead. I looked around sadly at the Elliott Smith concert posters still lining my walls and I wondered where in the world would I find another shy troubadour to aggressively stalk? Then The John Francis stopped by.
Posted by didofoot at 03:20 PM | Comments (1)
January 14, 2004
Not for Naught
Re-reading have I been the Lord of the Rings trilogy and somewhat annoyed have I become at the persistent switching of traditional subject-verb order which Tolkein engages in. Very like it is to the grammer which I did use in my eight grade sonnets, wherein merry havoc did I play with subject-verb order to make my words fit within iambic pentameter.
Though much do I love these books, and especially the third, my breaking point did I reach last night -- not due to the ass-backwards grammar, but rather when Aragorn Faramir did heal, and a nearby woman did he command to "make water hot." Apparently "boil" was a word which existed not when mightily crafting was Tolkein these books.
In addition, at one point does Legolas say of Aragorn that "not for naught" does Sauron fear him. I can't imagine that would go over well in a dialogue.
Legolas: Not for naught is Aragorn much feared by Sauron.
Gimli: Not for not? Be this a strange double negative? Or merely some elvish trick of language, for I know that among the elves are many cunning linguists.
Legolas: No, for "naught." As in "aught."
Gimli: Aye, much fear indeed ought Sauron to have of Aragorn, for he is a doughty fighter.
Legolas: Naught like "caught."
Gimli: Aye, "not" like "cot." How I wish you had not mentioned it, for I am greatly weary after our long journey in search of the Halflings and would be glad to rest my head on any cot.
Legolas: ...
Gimli: ...
Legolas: ...
Gimli: I be a dwarf.
Posted by didofoot at 11:52 AM | Comments (20)
January 09, 2004
Legs from here to Sunday
At last, miniskirts are back in style. I and my beautiful legs have been waiting 24 years for this and yesterday we road-tested our brand new skirt in the great out of doors. I wobbled all over the neighborhood on my high-heeled boots, enviously staring at the beautiful men gliding along effortlessly in their five-inch spikes. I was so busy checking out my eight-foot legs in a reflecting window that I walked right by the cameras and police escort and tall, shiny hair of Mr. Mayor Gavin Newsom. One of the cops in the escort eyed me in a friendly, piggish way. "What's up?" he said.
"Hemlines!" I said happily, and stalked on.
Posted by didofoot at 11:04 AM | Comments (4)
January 07, 2004
I'd like to thank the fans, if we had any...
I was surprised and delighted to receive my recent Oscar for my moving portrayal of A Screaming Victim in the sleeper hit Superfreaks! The awards committee held a special session to issue the award after Superfreaks! finished its limited run in Taiwan. Thanks to everyone who made this possible, but especially Stan, my loving husband of thirty-eight years, and God, who is a busy guy but who always keeps an eye on me because I am an incredibly fascinating and deserving performer.
We are nearly done filming our current arthouse darling, Fjords! The Musical, in which I portray a murderous French maid. Currently no plans have been made to release this film to the public. This will only make it more attractive to the indie crowd, all of whom will be claiming to own bootleg copies of it. Rumors that the Beatles are reforming in order to write a title track for the film are false, but the studio has confirmed that Beethoven will be returning from the dead to score several key scenes, as will Sonny Bono.
Posted by didofoot at 12:44 PM | Comments (1)
January 05, 2004
Neither Nakedness nor Orgying
I got invited to Melanie's house for a party in my honor. (I assume all parties are in my honor unless the host specifically tells me otherwise.) The evite listed several names I didn't know, so it was tough to know what to expect. Should I be sexy? Demure? Would there be charades? Would there be nudity? I shaved my legs carefully just in case.
It occurs to me that my years of wondering about possible party nudity are surely numbered. There will come a year not too far in the future when nudity at a party will be a reason to leave. But right now I always anticipate nakedness and orgying.
The party did turn out to be the charades kind, which led to me groping Wendy's breast while clumsily attempting to pantomime a stethoscope. I wonder how long I will be at this age where neither nudity nor charades cause me to leave the party in an offended sulk. I suspect my stethoscope demonstration probably pushed Wendy over that line.
Posted by didofoot at 12:25 PM | Comments (10)
January 01, 2004
2004
The Lad's non-party turned out to be a cracking good time, as you can see from the lesbians. Also, champagne! But I might have been an idiot. Happily, I spent most of the evening talking to Kati Vol, whose natural exuberance was perfectly matched by my garrulous drunkenness. I have no memory of our conversation, except that Sufis were involved. If only I had played my cards right, I could have had a happy groping experience to remember. As it is, all I have is a rain-stained jacket and severe dehydration.
In conclusion, here are Kati Vol and Jessica, ringing in the New Year. If you know what I mean.
Posted by didofoot at 03:54 PM | Comments (2)
