Carthage

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August 25, 2004

Entirely too long

Charlie Hunter plays what looks like Count Rugen's guitar and during the show his expression is an impossible combination of coolness and sincerity. This was the expression we all watched longingly from across the quad on the face of a certain boy in high school as he leaned, Jordan Catalano-like, against the wall, thinking hip thoughts. It was this expression which led some of us, not me but other people, to include versions of him in stories we wrote for college classes at Santa Cruz, stories which used dead grandmothers as metaphors and were given high marks by hyperbolic professors who used lecture time exhorting us all to spend more time dancing in the forest. All of this came back to me, watching Charlie Hunter scrunch his face up sincerely and with coolness at a drum solo and crawl his six fingered hands up and down his freakish guitar.

I've been reading David Foster Wallace's new Oblivion, and also Zembla, which is why I'm back to thinking about sincerity. Authors have to spend a lot of time now explaining how they know that the situations they're discussing are hackneyed and not really cool to discuss anymore (love, death, sex, etc.), but how they're going to talk about them regardless, even though they have nothing new to contribute, and so on. DWF is a master of this, and then after all that he includes a few paragraphs dealing with the hackneyed situation in a meaningful way which makes you wish you didn't need all the preceding post-modern nonsense because it only distracts from what's good in the story. Except you know you do need it. You need a chance to smirk at him for writing about these things and yourself for reading about them before you let yourself enjoy it.

Charlie Hunter did not smirk, but just went on scrunching his face and occasionally bursting out with an "oh yeah!" when the occasion called for it. But he was still cool. So what's his secret? Is it just talent? Would DFW still be a literary darling if he cut out all the apologies and just went right for the meat of things? Or would we all be slightly embarrassed to be caught reading his book on the subway? It's difficult to even enjoy sex in an unironic way anymore, so can we enjoy a book without watching ourselves carefully? And more importantly, why haven't I found a new job yet? Don't any of you people work at companies that need admin staff?

Posted by didofoot at August 25, 2004 09:39 AM

Comments

Yesterday I surprised a subcontractor on the phone by having the information he needed and being willing to send it to him. As I was taking his fax number and assuring him that it was really no problem, he blurted out, "You're fantastic. Do you need a job?"

So when I jump ship and go work for that guy, you can have my job.

Posted by: Dianna at August 25, 2004 10:53 AM

tell him i will send him the information he needs. give the job to me! me! i will give up KoL and everything!

Posted by: didofoot at August 25, 2004 10:56 AM

Sorry, we've already got a useless intern. Well, not entirely useless. My boss told me that Intern would be happy to run to Walgreens whenever I run out of anti-itch cream. Specialized anti-itch cream for this highly contagious venereal disease. The kind you need the pharmacist to go over the directions with you when you pick it up.

You could probably take over his job when he leaves.

Posted by: Danny at August 25, 2004 11:15 AM

i am glad suddenly that i'm not giving you my bed, Itchy.

would this be one of those standard, non-paying kinds of internships? because i need to make more than zero money.

Posted by: didofoot at August 25, 2004 11:27 AM

I have just gained a new appreciation for my job description and its lack of reference to picking up other people's itchy-genitals supplies. Or picking up other people's itchy genitals, for that matter.

Kristen, I could give you the subcontractor's fax number and you could try sending him information to see if it impresses him.

Posted by: Dianna at August 25, 2004 11:32 AM

Dear Sir:

The square root of 4 is 2. Darwin's theory of evolution has been disproven. The human head weighs eight pounds.

Sincerely,
KL

Posted by: didofoot at August 25, 2004 11:36 AM

Dear Ms. Foot,

Is the square root of 4 still 2 if we use carpet tiles instead of broadloom? I need to know by 2:00 yesterday so I can put in my bid. The carpet manufacturer has assured me that their carpet tile alters the arithmetic behavior of whole integers between 2 and 7, but I'm unsure whether they mean 2 to 7 inclusive, or greater than two and less than seven. Also, the floor plans specify standard mathematics for the conference room, dining room and lobby, but they don't specify any mathematics at all for the hallways and guest rooms. Am I to assume that the square root of 4 in the hallways is a figment, a will-o'-the-wisp, a hopelessly unsolvable piece of illogic to be cast into the void of oblivion as soon as it is conceived? Please advise.

Regards,
Flooring Subcontractor

Posted by: flooring subcontractor at August 25, 2004 10:45 PM

Is it just me, or is it totally bizarre to read this entry, enjoy it wholely, grin, ponder her point about coolness, and then see that she's looking for a job as an ADMIN ASST?! I guess it's just taking the two things, her abilities, and her job-search-goals and putting them next to each other that really makes apparent how totally mismatched they are. Sigh. I mean, maybe a better ending whould have been 'Don't any of you people work at companies that need a columnist?'

Posted by: gene at August 26, 2004 09:01 AM

BTW, my business cards also read "Administrative Assistant".

Posted by: sean at August 26, 2004 09:42 AM

*head shaking* *sigh*

Posted by: gene at August 26, 2004 09:53 AM

what boy?

Posted by: michele at August 26, 2004 09:58 AM

Well being as supercool as I am, I never get to look at it from an outside view. Thanks for this insight, I always thought they just stared in disbelief, now I know it's from complete & utter 'awe'.

I agree with Geno's Pizza Rolls, maybe you should look into being an columnist?

Posted by: CB at August 26, 2004 10:05 AM

Today I took a break to go to Walgreens for Bactine for this gaping wound I inflicted upon myself at Jerry's Java, and so I volunteered to pick things up for my coworkers while I was out. Luckily, no one asked me to fill any odd prescriptions, but the cashier thought it was odd i was buying two boxes of Ben-Gay.

Posted by: Danny at August 26, 2004 10:19 AM

minus the 'an' for an 'a'. My grammar is perpetually getting worse.

Posted by: CB at August 26, 2004 03:27 PM

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