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February 18, 2003
I think that racist blogger should be keel-hauled
I wrote the rough draft of what turned out to be a racist paper for my English class. In the paper I (rather successfully) argued that everyone should just speak English if they ever expect to get anywhere in life. When I brought the racist paper in to English to be "peer edited" (ha) by my fellow students, they read it through and then handed it back, saying what amounted to "I am unwilling to criticize this in any way because I'm unsure what all these enormous vocabulary words mean." Since both members of my group spoke English as a second language, I feel that this only proves my thesis and I am considering incorporating this into my final draft.
Seriously though, I'm not racist. I just happen to speak only English, and I just happen to be a member of the ethnic group currently in power, and I just happen to believe that if I don't know what the cock* you are saying to me then I can't be responsible for what happens to you or the rest of your minority.**
*"What the cock" is courtesy of at least Jason and possibly others.
**I regret the necessity of this footnote, but people are so weirdly touchy about this stuff: I DON'T REALLY THINK EVERYONE SHOULD SPEAK ENGLISH. Please don't comment on this entry with some serious counter-argument. And sure as hell don't comment in Spanish or some other god-foresaken language because you know I have no use for that shit.
Posted by didofoot at February 18, 2003 07:57 PM
Comments
Wheeee! I love you. You make me blow ice coffee out of my nose. I laughed so hard just then that I think I wet myself. Ewwww!
Does that make me racist? Hmmmm. I mean, what the cock? (snicker, snicker)
Posted by: tracy at February 19, 2003 09:15 AM
keel-hauling is too good for her. might i suggest bootikens or burning her alive?
you can go here to learn more the Inquisition, witchcraft, and, oddly, weight-loss secrets.
Posted by: Ian at February 19, 2003 09:18 AM
Wow, that's the most helpful website. Finally, a place where Chlamydia, Russian proverbs, and the Civil War can be researched from the same source. Where were you the morning my thesis was due, paralumun.com!
Posted by: jason at February 19, 2003 09:59 AM
when we did model congress in my high school government class, the republican majority steam-rolled an "english only" bill through the works. another bill that floated on through was a "National Family Day" bill. it's a wonder i made it out of that goddamned city alive.
Posted by: holohan at February 19, 2003 10:19 AM
Back in 1998, when billionaire Ron Unz was pushing his "English only" initiative, he gave a talk on campus. I still have a flyer that entreats "Engilish speakers" to go.
Posted by: sean at February 19, 2003 01:04 PM
I would, in Jason's vein of "What the Cock", like to recommend an alternative usage, poularized in the film "The Matrix" when the business man has his cell phone stolen by a running Keanu Reeves, at which point he loudly exclaims, and mind you, not in an australian acccent, "What the shit!"
Posted by: gene at February 20, 2003 09:12 AM
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