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February 12, 2003

Everyone hates the eggheads

My English prof looks like a sketch of a human, just three hundred-odd bones stacked together haphazardly and covered with a thin net of skin to keep the mosquitos off. She comes rattling through the door in a tame suit with matching lipstick and I cower and quake in my chair like Jaime Lee Curtis in Halloween. She, prof not Curtis, terrifies me to an absurd degree and I don't know why. It can only partially be ascribed to her status as a walking skeleton, a creepy image even beyond childhood.

My whole body goes on alert when I see her. I start sweating, and my heart pounds to be let out, and my stomach begins inexplicably to growl no matter how much I've eaten before class. I feel like a third grader. I want her to like me. I want her to invite me to join the gifted and talented program; I want her to send the class teddy bear home with me today. I wish we could have back to school night so that I could hover next to her while she says nice things about me to my parents. I wish I could hide under the desk when I see her.

I already hate the teacher's pet, who is, unfairly, a natural blond. Plus, her name is Stevie, a name popularized by the hugely cool Stevie Nicks. She should be stuffed in a barrel and dragged down Main Street by a team of four white horses. I knew that the manuscript was discovered in 1908. You don't have to be such a showoff, brainiac.

Posted by didofoot at February 12, 2003 01:03 PM

Comments

haha. why do you want to be the apple in this disturbing teachers eye? she's gross. and stevie can bite my ass. i hate her.

Posted by: tracy at February 12, 2003 02:01 PM

I hate Stevie, too, for the record. I can't remain silent on this issue any longer.

Posted by: jason at February 12, 2003 02:17 PM

i wish stevie didn't make that spaceshuttle crash that one time.

Posted by: allen at February 12, 2003 03:43 PM

hugely cool stevie nicks? more like overrated, untalented coke whore.

hard-won respect? gone. just like that.

i'm kidding, of course.

or am i?

Posted by: Ian at February 12, 2003 03:55 PM

stevie nicks is great, dood. she wears the neat 60s garb. and sings. i don't do those things, but i wish i did.

Posted by: didofoot at February 12, 2003 04:07 PM

That wasn't Stevie with the shuttle, Allen. It was the landslide that brought it down.

Posted by: sean at February 12, 2003 04:22 PM

no, it was her. I saw her reflection on a snow covered hill.

Posted by: didofoot at February 12, 2003 04:38 PM

you are a genius, kris.

for the record i meant that i hated the classroom teachers' pet-whore stevie.

Posted by: tracy at February 12, 2003 04:41 PM

well, you know what they say... thunder only happens when it's raining charred space shuttle debris.

and nasa only loves you when it's flaming.

or is it the other way around?

Posted by: holohan at February 13, 2003 08:55 AM

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