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December 06, 2002
They live in tunnels now, the Old Ones, biding their time and smelling like fish...
My boss has a theory that the continental drift was actually caused by beavers. Apparently, beavers were much bigger in the Ice Age, more the size of grizzly bears than the cute rodents we know and love. (This is according to a website he's found whose veracity - is that my word? - is anyone's guess.) Obviously this gave them a bigger influence on their surrounding territories.
"Look how much damage they can do right now, at their present size," he explained earnestly. "Now imagine if they were really HUGE animals."
All of which led to the highlight of my day so far: sitting at my desk while behind me the old German woman who works in my office was idly chanting, "Giant beavers, giant beavers, giant beavers...
Posted by didofoot at December 6, 2002 04:29 PM
Comments
For one glorious summer, I was the head coach of the Forest Hills Beavers in Martinez. Somewhere in my closet, there is a team t-shirt which proclaims "I've Got Beaver Fever!"
And I still do, ladies.
Posted by: sean at December 7, 2002 03:30 AM
trying very hard to hold my tongue on the beaver jokes...
Posted by: giant platypi at December 7, 2002 03:30 AM
but sean keane beat me to it...by less than a minute.
Posted by: brian at December 7, 2002 03:31 AM
I feel like Kristen should have shouted "Draw!" after posting such a provacative entry so we comedy gunslingers would have been at the ready.
Posted by: sean at December 7, 2002 07:23 PM
that's the most ridiculous goddamn thing i've ever heard in my life. polar bear sized beavers. the very thought. do these people think of the prehistoric era as that level of super mario bros. 3 where everything is bigger, you know, just because?
incidentally, the polar bear is currently the world's largest land predator. its fur is comprised of clear strands that act as fiber optic cables that direct the sun's rays onto the skin to provide warmth.
Posted by: holohan at December 8, 2002 12:20 AM
this is particularly useful when the warehouse cafe gets too crowded to hear your friends talk.
you just stand on opposite sides of that taxidermical white wonder, behind the plexiglass shield, and you whisper into his fur, while your friend sets her ear on his opposite side/hide.
you can hear a pin drop. but maybe that's because the whole bar's looking at you now.
Posted by: harmless free radical at December 8, 2002 03:45 PM
hee hee.............beaver.....
Posted by: tracy at December 9, 2002 08:41 AM
Actually stumbled across this while researching my paper. Fucking hilarious that I would find it now:
"...Mammals that survived the dinosaur's demise...include novel and bizarre forms, some of which went extinct about 11,000 years ago--wombats the size of hippos, 200-pound beavers, sloths that stood 9 feet tall on their hind legs, and other plus-size versions of some of today's animals."
super mario III indeed.
Posted by: didofoot at December 9, 2002 11:00 AM
shit! that's a big wombat.
Posted by: michele at December 9, 2002 11:58 AM
(i made a stuffed wombat toy once. with my own two hands. the things you don't know about me are innumerable.)
Posted by: michele at December 9, 2002 11:59 AM
yeah, okay. 200 pound beavers. you know what's an assload bigger than 200 pounds? a polar bear. your boss remains a fool and a liar.
Posted by: holohan at December 9, 2002 12:47 PM
yeah, but how much impact does a polar bear have on its environment? see a beaver now, a beaver creates change in waterways for miles around.* now imagine if it were larger, and thus the area it covered was proportionally larger as well...
*spurious statistic having no factual basis.
Posted by: didofoot at December 9, 2002 01:04 PM
michele: what other wombat facts can you share with the class?
Posted by: didofoot at December 9, 2002 01:06 PM
welp. they have claws and black noses. or at least mine had a black nose. maybe they have pink noses when they are just born. maybe some of them are deformed and abnormal and have blue noses. i don't nose. ha ha ha ha!! i have wombat lore knowledge and a punny punitive sense of humor. i'm going to go far in this world.
Posted by: michele at December 9, 2002 01:31 PM
Heeeeyyyyyyy EVERYbody, what kristen DOESN't realise is that 'BEAVER' (heeheehee) is another word fo...goddamit, i can never get in on these things in time.
Posted by: peacock at December 10, 2002 04:15 PM
The funny thing is that I owne beaver.com
Posted by: beaver at July 7, 2005 10:03 PM
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