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July 18, 2002
Blah blah blah retard.
Last night after baseball, seven of us on the large spinny thing in the playground after dark, laughing hysterically. All I can remember of the conversation, unfortunately, is "Blah blah blah retard! HA HA HA HA! Retard! HA HA! Blah retard blah blah! HOO LORD!" And then Jason, turning to Erica and quietly saying "We are the meanest people to work with retards ever."
And in other newsings...
In his travel term paper, Allen mentioned that there's no good English word to describe someone who you're kind of with, but not, you know, WITH with, but you're sort of...well...
I think he's wrong though. While Ash and Robyn have long favored the vulgar "This is my dick, Ash/This is my cunt, Robyn" approach, I propose something a little mellower: "This is my vibrator, Mallard." And for guys?
Posted by didofoot at July 18, 2002 09:11 AM
Comments
hahaha. Mallard is toast! What a maroon!
Posted by: tracy at July 18, 2002 09:22 AM
i watched the first 20 minutes or so of "door to door" last night while my girlfriend was in the other room packing, phoning her mother, and wondering why her chosen beau would rather watch william h. macy in prosthetic ears than watch her pack (to be fair, i've hated those "door to door" commercials since they first started showing up during TNT's "law & order" reruns, but after all this time i just had to have a look to see what all the fuss was about. kind of like a schrodinger's cat chamber filled with so-much tears johnson & johnson shampoop).
anyway, there's a scene where h. macy and his onscreen mother are in a diner celebrating his first day on the job as a retarded door to door salesman, and in the next booth half the cast of "grease" is making fun of him. so the mother turns around and asks politely if she can borrow their ketchup bottle, and as she reaches for it she "accidentally" (ho HO!) knocks their sodas all over them.
the point is, even if william h. macy's onscreen mother were around last night to dump soda all over you insensitive meatsacks, she still would have developed alzheimer's disease in the following scene, so it looks like our team wins again.
this is being written from the free imac internet cafe at the market street compUSA, much to the chagrin of the people waiting. they are invisible to me!
Posted by: tokamack at July 18, 2002 10:56 AM
ah giovanni giovanni!
man....fleshlight is kind of creepy. because did i read that whole article? yes i did. i would think it would be appealing....i mean...dildos are appealing...why wouldn't the equivalent excite something...do you know what's dumb though that i just thought of? lesbians would not find the fleshlight appealing even though they crave the pussy. hmmm...possibly the fleshlight is completely useless. how sad. 2 billion down the drain.
tracy. honey. do you mean moron? or can we just take to calling manmeat "maroon"? not that he needs another name. man you gotta hope he doesn't read this.
Posted by: michele at July 18, 2002 12:10 PM
ps kristen now that i've looked at fleshlight while at work i really think you should look at my jesus link while at work. ha ha ha ha. do it baby.
Posted by: michele at July 18, 2002 12:13 PM
Michele,
I meant maroon. It is kind of an archaic word. It means buffoon. Also archaic.
Posted by: tracy at July 18, 2002 03:52 PM
buffoon isn't that archaic.
i've got a glorious bruise on my thigh thanks to you, missy.
cartoon.
Posted by: buffoon at July 18, 2002 06:21 PM
Aaaah are we to believe the ads... Miss Softie sucks - in a good way, supposedly while u watch TV. http://www.softie4u.com
Posted by: Even So at November 21, 2002 05:34 PM
Must say I love Miss Softie, a great little helper when you aint got a woman. Try it guys!
Posted by: Piranha at May 1, 2003 05:54 PM
this is fucking genius. where do these people come from???
Posted by: erica at May 1, 2003 11:34 PM
I know, I especially like the guy who drew from his own experience (and at length) to tell us what horrible people we are.
I've learned something here today. I hope the rest of you have, too.
Posted by: jason at May 2, 2003 06:04 AM
actually, that guy was holohan from i fought the law.
Posted by: didofoot at May 2, 2003 11:10 AM
Oh, that's not as fun. Though still fun. Just not "a barrel of retards" fun. More like cancer.
Posted by: jason at May 3, 2003 05:58 AM
yeah, that's me. fun like cancer. giddy up.
Posted by: holohan at May 3, 2003 11:36 AM
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